Society: The Assigner of Roles

‘ “Does anyone teach girls of the inn to protect themselves?” she asked. “Do you carry a knife?”

“Our father protects us, and our brother,” the girl said, simply.

Katsa wondered if other girls in Sunder, and across the seven kingdoms, carried knives; or if they all looked to their fathers and brothers for every protection.’ – Kristin Cashore

She had been working for a few hours now and the baby was crying again. Her concern amplified as she still had office work left to complete. Sweat poured down her face, her anxious heartbeats were ringing in her ears. Desperation had taken control of her: she wanted it to stop. She wanted to lay back on the couch; the one on which her husband always seemed to find his sanctuary. She wanted to close her eyes without any responsibility overwhelming her.

He came in, loud, announcing his arrival, picking up the baby in his lap and kissing her forehead. He played with her and soon rocked her to sleep.

She was still scrubbing the door-knobs, wanting them to sparkle just as her mother-in-law had wanted.

“You should quit your job. It does you no good.” Her husband said, a slight aggression vivid in his tone.

“And who will pay for our children’s schooling? You? Who barely gives me a few thousand rupees for the sake of our house after earning loads for himself? Or your mother? Who loves visiting the USA more than inquiring about my well-being?” She said blatantly.

“How dare you speak like that to me?! When I married you, I thought you were such an obedient wife. Now look at you! How your tongue speaks!” he shouted.

She did not retort, as always. However, she still thought about demanding a divorce, but could she handle the criticism from society after that? A mother of four: divorced. Could she even afford to live on her own?

Such stories roam our society in unaccountable amounts: a woman is meant to be with a man. “A good woman never opts for judicial separation.” is inculcated in our minds ever since birth. Little girls are taught house chores by informing them that they’ll find themselves in a dilemma if they are incapable to do them once they are older. They are not taught that a human should be capable of doing everything by themselves.

They are told repeatedly that they are incapable of survival without the presence of men around them; that they cannot survive on their own. But is that true?

All divorced women in our society try their best to thrive on their own. A plethora of single mothers are capable of earning for their children and managing the house all on their own. Our society cages them into a life of toxicity, where they are ripped off of their will to make choices for themselves.

The undeniable part of these situations is, how society enhances difficulties for such women. It does not appreciate the courage and determination, but instead, floods their minds with taunts and negativity. Even other women tend to shame them, instead of supporting them. Hence, they are all alone in this battle against the world.

On the other hand, men are also structured into being victims of society. Roles are allotted to them ever since their childhood. From quite early on in our lives, we hear the patrons of patriarchy sing hymns about how strong men do not cry or how a man keeps his wife in her limits and most importantly, that a man is supposed to be the breadwinner of the family.

Such teachings embed a sense of a saddling responsibility and perhaps, even evoke the feeling of superiority in a majority of men. A sense of entitlement consumes them when society preaches that men are the sole pillar their wives depend on, to survive.

“Why are you crying? A man never cries.” they laugh.

Is displaying emotions a sin for men? Does resorting to crying make them unmanly?

Men learn to stay quiet; never to open up in accordance with their feelings. Whether sad, whether happy, they always halt themselves from over-reacting. They remain expressionless. And yet, others still remain displeased; complaining that they do not express their love, that they are insensitive. But they fail to comprehend that what they see is a product of their teachings. It is the propagation of their beliefs that builds pressure on the sinking shoulders of men.

As a result, these men pass on these teachings to their sons:

“Never cry, it will make the world believe that you are weak.” They are to keep their wives under their ‘control’.

Soon, this becomes their world. The men who despised these enforced teachings as a child now become a part of them; letting them prosper.

Perhaps, this is the only mistake they have made.

This cyclical movement in society thrives without a pause. Adults pass on toxic behaviors to their children, assigning fixed roles to them in this play of life. Do they ever think how things could be different? Men could be expressive. Women could earn.

Men and women could live in harmony, learning to respect each other as human beings, rather than building resentment towards each other.

Would the death of statements like ‘act like a woman’ or ‘be a man’ not be so much better?